Dating in the military
Recently discharged veterans need to be aware of this “pull” toward troubled relationships.Instead of investing in only one relationship, it’s wiser to build out a whole network of new relationships.This misguided instinct can lead you to pair with people who will bring endless chaos into your life.Whether the issue is an abusive, not-quite-ex-partner or out-of-control drinking problem, this chaos diverts and distracts you (for a limited time) from the challenge and pain of focusing on transition.
Military professionals know that it is only through conflict that you can learn who you can trust.
To be blunt, falling in love is a great way to avoid the pain of transition. It’s the best high you can get without breaking any laws.
In fact, research shows that the brain releases many of the same chemicals when people are falling in love and when they are smoking crack cocaine.
But even if you’ve been dating someone for four years, you can still be in the “cocaine rush phase” of the relationship if that relationship has been mostly long distance or interspaced with several long deployments.
With the distance and lack of time together, it’s easy to maintain the fantasy that you’ve both found your “soul mate.” People in love often over-estimate the potential for amazing weekends of R&R to translate into successful life partnerships.
Research shows that unemployment can have a more negative impact on a marriage than many other personal crises, like having a child with a serious, chronic medical issue.